News from North Dakota - The search for a Church

The final post about our journey to ND these past few months includes that of finding a new church for our family to attend. I think this process has been more difficult for me than for Phil. While he and S were out here during July and August they visited a couple churches and found one that they liked. They went there on Sundays during their month long stay. When we arrived in ND as a family in September our family began attending this church.

A little background here will allow you to understand my personal struggle a little better. When we made the move to New Holstein WI a few years ago Phil found our church, First Baptist of Kiel and I was completely at peace with the choice and easily transitioned. I loved the fact that the church had many young families with a heart to disciple their own children as well as work together as a "community" to instruct each others children. It took me a couple years before I really felt like I developed a deep friendship and that was with our associate pastors wife. When we left the area in September, we spent our last night in WI with their family, as Phil was very close to Pastor S too. Not only was the fellowship sweet with so many of the families in our church, the way the church functioned was so wonderful. When we joined the church was going through a building project and I really enjoyed how the leadership and families worked together to make our church one in which we could worship, fellowship, welcome visitors, and have a space where kids could be kids. I'm afraid that all the excellent ways that our church handled things over the years made me feel so at home, that leaving there has been tough. The church people became our "family", especially since we had no family in the area. Our times at church were refreshing, encouraging, convicting, and over all a blessing. So my expectations for a new church were very much so on the high side.

That being said, I found that I enjoyed the preaching at our new church, it was biblical, pertinent, and well done. Appreciated that there were many young families, a few were members and some are considering membership. There is a wonderful Senior population just like we had at our old church (I miss you Jean & Lou Eva!), and the church has a great spirit. On several occasions I shared with Phil my "concerns" about this or that.... of which I will not expound, and after several weeks of attending Sunday services, attending a planning meeting and business meeting, spending time with the pastor and one of the trustee's we decided that this is the church that God wants us to join. The day we made this decision..... I cried. I miss my church family in Kiel so much, I found it really hard this time to just jump in with two feet to a new church. I know that my struggle is more emotional than the church isn't right. After all, there are no perfect churches because there are no perfect people! We went forward this past Sunday and made public our desire to join the church and I'm very excited about how God is directing. I know that we will be blessed by the ministries and people in this church and pray that our family will be a blessing in return.

News from North Dakota - Weight, Health, and Life

I get emails often from folks that have been encouraged to lose weight and better their health by watching me as I journey through the obesity battle. I will continue to say that I am a work in progress and pray that someday I will have complete victory over my food addictions and battle with the bulge. I've learned over these past few months that I continue to be a stress and bordum eater. Now you might say... "HOW can you be bored?? You are a wife, have six children and ran a farm!!" Bordum is a choice. When I chose to feel that my responsibilities in life are not fulfilling I get bored. Did you notice my CHOICE of words?? I said when I CHOSE! I am a firm believer that our actions are a result of our thoughts! The Bible says in Proverbs "as a man things he is" and I agree with God on this matter 100%. What you think about you will do. If you think you are stressed, overwhelmed, unworthy, bored, your actions will coinside with those detrimental thoughts.

For me personally I learned once again that I am a total stress eater!!My stresses of these past family months totally make sense: hubby gone most of the time, moving to a new state, wrapping up the details on the farm, sorting & packing, cleaning, transitioning from a homesteading farm life to living in the big city for 30 days, living in a hotel and eating the foods they provided, then transitioning to small town life, etc. These are challenges that would stress out just about any mother of 6 right? So, I have reason to be stressed but I didn't have to chose to live in a state of stress.... and I did. I prayed about the daily challenges but found I didn't CAST them at the feet of Christ as I ought to have. So I found my comfort in food: potatoes, wheat, sugar.... and all the other foods that I know trigger instant weight gain for me. I used the excuse that I was busy, stressed, didn't have proper food around because I needed instant this or that or didn't have time..... so I chose to not eat well since June. I stopped exercising, stopped weighing and stopped controlling my impulsive eating.

If you remember back this spring I hit 148 for a brief few days. I stabilized between 155 & 165 when I was exercising. That is where I begun my spiral back into the old habits of grabbing this and that, most of which was carb and sugar laddened. Lately I've been weighing between 185 & 190 sometimes hitting 195 briefly. This week I've been starting to feel like life is returning back to normal. I'm establishing new routines that I like with the hubby, kids, house & life. I've struggled greatly these last few months about my spiraling weight gain and kept thinking I'd dive into another hcg round, only to start taking hhcg and never being able to stick to the VLCD so finally I'd give up and stop dosing.  I finally decided that for me to start a round now would be impossible. My mind is not in the proper state needed to strictly follow the VLCD and we that have done this protocol understand the level of commitment needed to do a round.

So, instead of hcg I've decided to get my body moving again. My current goal is to walk 2-3 miles a day 3 - 5 days a week, either with the Leslie Sansone DVD's I own or outside weather permitting. I'm also adding back in water. It is amazing how much MORE food I eat when I'm NOT drinking my water. My daily water goal is 3 quarts. Better food choices round out my immediate health goals.  This is a challenge since I will only be grocery shopping 1 X a month. I can pick up a few things here and there when in Bismarck on Sundays and our small town grocery store carries a few fresh items, but I'm trying to make better choices with what I have. I doubt I'll lose much weight over these next couple of months with the holidays fast approaching. BUT I do know that I'll be getting back into the habit of caring for my body better.In the new year I'll look to do an HCG round using Clinical HCG's prescription hcg.

Thankfully I still feel great though the extra weight does sometimes effect my energy level. My husband would most likely argue that statement since I've been unpacking and cleaning like crazy since our stuff arrived here on the 16th. I've got most rooms in the settled, other than hanging pictures, and am enjoying keeping our home clean and orderly. This is the first time in years that I've slipped into those flylady routines and find that  about 15 minutes in each room every day keeps us in living in a home that is welcoming and for the most part clean.

My daily routine is such that I now feel free to focus some time on me. I get up at 7 - 7:30 a.m. and get the crew up and going. Make breakfast and get the kids fed and out the door to school by 8:15. I clean up breakfast and get laundry going. Currently laundry is a challenge since my dryer broke in the move, I do not have outside clothes lines, AND the closest laundry is 15 miles away with only 2 dryers! So I do a load or 2 each day and have laundry hanging all over the place so it can dry. I keep it out of the main living area's so folks won't see underwear on the doorknobs if they stop in, and somehow I'm keeping up. If the dryer cannot be fixed within the next week or so we'll have to buy a new one. I'm going to be starting to substitute teach at the school and will not have time to keep up with hanging each piece of laundry and finding somewhere for it to dry before I run out the door in the morning.

After clean up and laundry I get to have some quite time reading the Bible and praying followed by 30-60 minutes on the piano. Then I usually do my walking, followed by lots of water, lunch, and some time on the computer. I then do pick up and cleaning throughout the house and get dinner ready. When I start to teach I'll make use of my crock pot so dinner will be easy to pull off, and I'll have to reserve my cleaning for the days that I'm not called in to work. Thankfully the kids are learning new habits, like keeping all toys and books in the family room, keeping up with their bedrooms, making beds, etc., and helping me to keep things in order when they are home. Little clean up times here or there keep the place functional and more fun for us all!

So, there is the long and the short of it. I'm not happy about my weight, but am changing my choices so that each day will be a little better than the last. I love our new place and the routines it is allowing me to develop that are giving me the opportunity to create a peaceful welcoming home for my crew, and I'm so very thankful that God is helping me to forgive myself and move on!

News from North Dakota - Settling into the house

Hello my online friends and family!

Grab a cup of coffee, tea or a bottle of water and settle in... this update will most likely by a long one! LOL! 

We are settling into our rental home in the quaint little town of Hazelton North Dakota. The last few months have been quite the journey for our family. Through it all we have grown closer, learned much and are continuously thankful for God's provision through each step of the way.

The children are settling into a good routine at their new school. Which by the way... I LOVE our school! It is nice and small, just over 90 students in K - 12, which gives me the opportunity to easily communicate with the teachers and keep up with what is happening with each child. Our home is located on the same block as the school which makes for a quick walk each day for the kids. Once again we've been blessed with a tremendous staff with fabulous creative aptitude in dealing with Thomas in school. We do not yet know what services Thomas will receive from the county as we are waiting to get our first bill... who ever heard about someone being excited about a bill... Ha Ha! Once we get a bill at our new house we will be able to establish residency with the county and start the ball rolling to get services for Thomas. Overall the children have made it through these past months challenges very well: Daddy being in ND while we were in WI July - Sept 10, living in a hotel for 30 days, during which time the commute to school was 50 minutes one way, the much anticipated move, and now settling into a new house and a completely new routine with no farming.

My daughter was hired for her first job on her 16th birthday! She has since been working 2-5 days a week after school and on Saturdays. I'm excited to see how this opportunity is allowing her to develop and grow in the area of independence and discretion. I'm proud of her!

The two big boys enjoyed playing football for part of the season here at our school. It was a great time for them to get to know some of the boys in the community while giving them the opportunity to get a greater understanding of the game. We didn't get to attend many games as our hotel was hours away from most of them. Next year we'll be able to be regular attenders and cheer on the Reese Boys... and the team of course!

The littles just seem to go with the flow. Starting school 3 1/2 weeks late posed a bit of a challenge for them as they missed out on those review weeks. Our littlest guy is struggling the worst, for some reason he is not retaining words that he learned in Kindergarten, nor her words for this year. His level of retention is very small. I'm so thankful that he has such a great attitude through this all and is not discouraged about reading, even though it is a challenge for him. His teacher is wonderful and continues to help guide me on how I can best support and challenge Na through this.

The house.... one word sums it up.... WOW!I love the space but desire to do some updating so it suits our taste. Hubby took work off to help me paint and our LL's wife came over to help with the process. So, we were able to get a few rooms done before our stuff arrived. The rest will happen little by little.

Ya see, my goals for this move have been quite different from the past two moves. The past two moves focused on farming and creating independence with our food sources. This move my focus was to make a home that was ours, one in which our family would have a haven to grow, fellowship, disciple and have fun in. The past two places I never had time to make them "ours" with paint and decor. This time, I want it to be different. I want to develop a place with low stress and lots of opportunity for us to have time to nurture and disciple these six kids.  I'm not as much of a perfectionist as my parents..... but I really wanted to see some completeness here in the house itself.

So, Wednesday the 10th we shopped all day, picking up paint, electrical, and cleaning supplies to get started with this big job! Thursday and Friday the 11th & 12th saw us madly washing walls, putting up tape along the beautiful crowned molding, throwing plastic down to protect the gorgeous hard wood floors and painting daily for about 10 hours. Saturday we wrapped up with another 5-6 hours of painting then helped the previous tenant get the rest of her items out of the attic. We managed in those 2 1/2 days to get the entry room, dining room, kitchen, hallway & stairway, C's bedroom & S's bedroom painted. The hallway and stairway needed a second coat but we decided to wait until after the movers came just in case it got dinged up. I'll post pictures once I get some of the wall decor up. I had not yet found the hammer and nails! LOL!

There are many things I like about the house. The space is one thing! It has a lovely entry room/mud room that is perfect for our crew. I am going to be putting my hope chest in it, which will soon be covered with a padded seat so we can sit down to put shoes on while using the inside for storage. The chest really needs to be refinished, but I won't be able to do that until Spring when it is warm enough to do the stripping, staining and varnishing in the garage. I'd prefer to have tile or something scrubable in the entry way, but for now it is carpeted so rugs will cover the spots that get the most traffic so I won't have to clean the carpet as often.

From the entry room you can go out to the very large 2 car garage with storage room on the side. In the garage we were able to fit our 5 freezers filled with our grass fed meats from WI along the back and 2 extra fridges to hold our summer veggies and extra milk from the local Jersey farm. Currently half of the garage is still filled with boxes that we need to sort through and unpack.  I'm also able to store my 5 gallon buckets of honey and grains (over 50) along the wall that butts up to the house so I can easily access them. Once we get the garage organized we will be able to park the van in there and eventually our new car which we hope to get in the new year.

The entry room also leads up to the kitchen or down to the family room. I'll start with the down stairs. The family room will serve the purpose of being the kid's hang out space. I have book shelves in one corner that are filled with books, paper, coloring paraphernalia, and DVD's. The TV is in this room with one couch. Eventually we will have a few bean bags in this space so the kids will have more seating for movie and reading times. The floor is heated which makes it cozy, the walls have a beautiful wood wainscoting at the bottom, and the top  a floral paneling. There is a table at one end of this room where the kids can do puzzles, play games and color/draw. It really is the perfect place for these 6 kids and friends to hang out! I love it because I can hear what is going on, yet the noise of boys does not overwhelm the house. :-)

The basement also has our daughters cave. Currently it is brown paneling which will be primed and painted once we pick out E's new bedroom set. She wants this grey set that has splashes of bright pink, yellow, lime green, and teal. If this is the set we get we will paint the walls a light silvery grey to brighten the room up, then she will use her artistic ability and add splashes of the bright colors throughout the room, using the pattern of the comforter as her guide for the wall art. I think it will be great once it is done. Our big challenge for her room is getting it organized with all her stuff. This is a very tiny room compared to E's past two rooms, so organizing it with the appropriate shelves and furniture will be the biggest challenge while keeping it a fun space for her to be creative in.

There is a 3/4 bath with a large shower, toilet and sink that also houses the laundry room. This room has great storage. There are kitchen cabinets along two walls for storage of laundry supplies and towels.

Oh, forgot to mention one of my favorite spaces in the basement is the canning closet that rests under the stairway. It will be a great place to put next years garden produce and is where I'm storing much of my pantry items, spices, baking goods, bowls, etc. It also houses the basket to catch all the clothes from the second floor laundry shoot! This is a HUGE blessing as it saves me from hauling the laundry both down and up! Now I only have to haul it all up once it is dry and folded. :-) Thankfully the shoot is small enough that I'm not concerned about the boys trying to throw each other down it! LOL! We have of course had to establish the rule that ONLY clothes get thrown down, as the first week it was fun to see how many things one could throw down while hoping to hit a brother in the face who was in the basement "watching".

I'll take a moment here to inject a little blurb on the stairs.... there are over 40 stairs from the basement to the attic in this place. Over the past couple weeks of us settling in there have been many days when I've done the full trek or parts of it hundreds of times in a day, since we are storing all empty boxes and stuff that doesn't fit in this floor plan in the attic. The first few days my legs were killing me. Now I"m getting more used to it and I think these steps will keep my legs and heart in prime condition! LOL!

So, up a few stairs from the entry room leads you into the kitchen. This kitchen is large enough for me to function in well. I've always been blessed with large kitchens in all our homes. I love the fact that this kitchen has a dishwasher and am amazed as to how little time it takes me to clean up each day!

When you exit the kitchen you enter the most beautiful section of the house. The dinning room has beautiful hard wood floors, with gorgeous crowned molding around huge windows and a high ceiling. I've painted this room a light olive and will post pictures once I get the pictures hung.  I love the family meal times we have in this room. Our table fits at an angle and there is extra seating along the large radiator. I will refinish the radiator cushion with a warm color patterned material.... once I buy it! I have plants along the windowsill which ads life and color to the room. We have family meal times, and do homework in this space and it suits us perfectly!

There is a large doorway that opens up into the living room where the hard wood floor, high ceiling, and crowned molding continue throughout. The living room is painted in a light beige/tan. There is another radiator with a cushion that will be recovered in warm tones. Currently we have a beautiful antique square table in one corner and our couch along the brown paneled wall.  I'd love to re-do the wall with paneling sometime, I think it will allow the room to feel more open. Sometime in the future when we have a full week to work on it we will pull down the paneling which will most likely lead to ripping off all the plaster, then putting up studs, and drywall. It will completely transform this space and in my mind I can see how lovely it will be when it is done. My piano sits on the inner wall between the living room and dining room and will soon have a beautiful large mirror with my Grandma Conover's antique rose pictures hanging on either side of it.

From the living room you can see a beautiful landing area with antique coat hooks along the wall and the gorgeous wood banister with hard wood floors up the stairs. Above the coat hooks I hope to find a scripture verse vinyl applicay to complete this space.

There is a gorgeous heavy wood door that leads to the four season front porch. The last tenant used this space as an office. We have it set up as C's room, plus my office space. There is a large executive desk at one end, his bunk bed, and a wardrobe. We will accessorize with some shelves, antique hooks for hanging clothes, and some out doorsy stuff. We'll post pictures once it is done. Eventually I think we need to get a smaller desk for this space, but for now we are using what we have.  He loves having his own room! I stay out of it when he is home for the most part, so that he doesn't feel like his space is being invaded.

Upstairs there are three more bedrooms, our master room which needs to be painted. The littles room, which will also be painted once I get them new comforter sets. And S's room. S's room needs to be decorated but he is getting it settled and cozy in his own teen way! :-) There is a full bath that only has a tub. We'll be painting it light olive, replacing the broken vanity mirror, and putting in a new vanity light. This will have to be a 3-4 day weekend project as we have to tear down the mirror and light, fix the electrical, prime, and paint. It is a unique configuration because the stairs to the attic are in this room.

The attic is very cool! E's first statement about it was, "Daddy, daddy, I want this to be MY room!" It is a really neat space that with remodeling and heat would be an awesome teen room. BUT we need the space for storage so it will remain an attic! I love that it has stairs and not a rickety ladder. There is plenty of space for me to get organized and use it as functional storage for my extra kitchen and entertaining supplies along with all the clothes, holiday decor and other odds and ends.

So, there you have it! A verbal walk through our new space. I hope you enjoyed the tour!! LOL! I love documenting it so that in years to come I will be able to read this and look around and see how wonderfully the space was transformed into our home. We hope that our LL will allow us to remain here until Phil is transferred again, or until we decide to get a small farm. I'm completely content and do not want to move any time soon. I hope we'll be here for the full five years of this current contract, and if the contract for Phil's job is renewed, we may want to remain here longer still. I love being close to the school and as the kids get more involved in extra curricular activities I think being close will be a huge convenience for our family.

So, shall I end this post and continue on with our new news in other posts. I think so! I hope you've enjoyed catching up on some of our current happenings. I'll write two more posts today, one that will contain our health and weight update and another about our search for a new church home.

I'll end this with a funny conversation that I had with our youngest yesterday:

Yesterday I walked into the living room and smelled what I thought was gas or poop. I asked my youngest if he needed to use the bathroom. He said, "No, maybe Pansy (our Boston terrior) pooped." I looked around and said , "No, I don't see anything." Then little N said, "Maybe she forgot to do her doggy wipe after she went to the bathroom!" Ha Ha! I love seeing life through the eyes of a child!

Have a blessed day!

Change

Today I'm thankful that the Lord has changed our plans. Hubby was supposed to be traveling to TX each week from July - December. Monday he received the opportunity from his company to take a position on a team where there is a new 5 yr contract starting in July. Phil has worked with the team at this college before plus we weren't sure that TX was the right fit for our family. 

So, where are we moving? Bismarck, North Dakota! We have much to finish up here around the farm over the next couple of months so our estimated time to move is mid-September. Phil will be spending time during July in Bismarck and we pray he will be able to find a house that will meet our needs within a 30-45 minute drive of where his office will be. Pray with us that he will be able to find the right home for us to rent... and soon. School starts August 23 in North Dakota and foot ball starts the beginning of August. Our two oldest boys would like to play football. If Phil is able to secure a place by the beginning of August it is possible that the older boys might move there with him so they can start Football and school on time.  This may sound like a big deal, to have Phil and the boys in ND while Eliza and I finish packing up the house with the littles, but I'm so very thankful that we'll only be apart for a few weeks rather than a few days EVERY week!

Many have wondered if we will continue trying to raise most of our food. We are wondering the same. It will depend on what type of home/property Phil can find for us to rent. We've enjoyed our time on the farm and have learned so much these past 4 years. But we've decided that it will be ok if we just have a nice little country home with a few laying hens. The boys would be able to be involved in athletics which is something we've not had time for with the farm. And the kids that want to, would also be able to become more involved with music and art opportunities. In many ways I cannot imagine life away from here, not milking my Jersey girls daily and enjoying their luscious milk and cream, but then again, I'm ready for a change. We've realized this past year that our kids are growing up SO fast. They've learned a lot about food and life these past few years. The farm has been good for us all but if we cannot continue in this lifestyle we will find the sources we need for the food we feel is important to our families health. 

We would covet your prayer as all the details get worked out. Pray specifically that we will find a house that meets our needs, that Thomas (our autistic son) does well with the transition to a new school and church, that we will find a new church in a reasonable amount of time, and that all the details regarding the move (like finding a truck to haul and keep frozen 4 freezers worth of food), will all go smoothly. We are trusting the Lord with all these things and know that He who has led us to this point will continue to guide us each step of the way.

Strawberries....MMMMMMMMMMMM

It is strawberry season here in WI. I'm blessed to be able to get my strawberries from my dearest neighbor and friend, who is Amish and does not spray her berries. She uses manure and a little miracle grow in the fall only. We have already put up about 65 pounds in the freezer and I hope to get another 30-40 pounds, if she has enough. The berries are very small this year and sparse due to the crazy spring we had. I feel bad for my Amish neighbors as many of them depend heavily on their strawberry sales each summer and this year will be a fraction of what it normally is. BUT I'm thankful for the opportunity to put these berries in the freezer for us to use in kefir smoothies, strawberry lemonade, and strawberry ice cream! And they berries have been lovely to eat fresh in my Greek Yogurt!

If you are not in the habit of buying local, please look for a farmers market in your area. I love buying from small farmers who raise their food clean and I DO ask them if they fertilize with chemicals. If they do, I pass by their table. I have found that most folks who sell at farmers markets do not. I love local fresh foods, nothing tastes better!!

 I hope you are enjoying fresh summer produce in your area!

For as a man thinketh, so is he..

Proverbs 23:7 says, "For as he thinks within himself, so is he....." NASB.

I've been challenged lately to change how I view food and weigh out those thoughts according to the scriptures. The Made to Crave DVD's have been such a blessing to me. I though am on a tight budget as I'm sure many of you are, which means I cannot rush out and buy every GREAT resource I find. I was blessed to find on their website a 21 days challenge:

http://madetocrave.org/21-day-challenge/

This is a free service offered by MtC which I'm sure you would receive a blessing from.

If you want a more in-depth free bible study to do that will help to re-shape your food thoughts  would recommend that you visit:

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/courses/lords-table/

I did this 60 day study years ago and want to re-visit it when I'm dong with the MtC study.

I hope you have a blessed day that is victorious not only in the choices you make regarding food, but in your daily walk with Christ.

Exercise

I think I posted a while back that I began exercising. Actually, I started exercising on day 1 of phase 3 of round 3. Since then, March 1st, I've only had 1 week where I have exercised less than 5 days. My usual routine is 20-30 minutes of total gym lifting with 1 mile of aerobic walking on Tues, Thurs., Sat, and 2 aerobic miles on Mon, Wed, Fri. This week I'm changing it up a bit and doing my weight routine on Mon., Wed, Fri increasing the intensity and doing 2 aerobic miles. On Tues., Thurs., and Sat I'm doing 3 aerobic miles. I'm feeling really great doing this work out and I'm noticing a lot of lean muscle forming. My upper arms are no longer flabby, they are toned nicely. My tummy and thighs are tightening up too. I'm losing fat and building muscle... I'll write more about how I'm losing fat on tomorrows post.

If you've considered adding exercise and want a workout routine that is doable I'd really encourage you to look into Leslie Sansone's Walk Aerobic DVD's. I have the Power Mile and the Weight Loss Walk. When I started I did the Power Mile one time through with weights. Within a week I increased to doing the PM two times through. I am now doing 1 mile, out of the 4, on the Weight Loss Walk on my weight lifting days along with a Power Mile and on my non lifting days I'm doing 2 miles from the Weight Loss Walk and 1 Power Mile. I love the movements on these videos, I find they challenge my body more than just walking 2-3 miles outside. The Weight Loss Walk is an older recording.. very 80's ish.. but has great moves that build leg muscles and help to tone legs, hips, & waist. You can start with 1 mile and work your way up to 4 miles, each mile gets more challenging. I think she has other work out DVD's that have 1-4 mile workouts. These are the best ones so that you can add more as you are able. However, I really like the Power mile and find that doing it over and over is a great work out. When I do it more than once I do the warm up and the mile until she reaches the cool down, which I skip until the last time I go through it.

Is there anyone else out there who is moving their body more now that they've reduced the fat through hcg? Please leave a comment and tell us what you are doing! I do moderate all comments, so it might take a day for your comment to show up.

Spring Cleaning

I'm so excited to have GREAT energy and the physical ability to be busy spring cleaning this year!! The past two days have been spent outside doing various things in the gardens, barn, and yard. Yesterday we were so busy that by 5 I was spent... but it felt really good to be able to do it all!

We try to spend the nice days outside in the gardens or outbuildings doing much needed chores. On rainy days we focus our energy on school and inside cleaning projects. That is usually how we spend our spring. It does mean that teen daughter has to finish her school work during the summer months but it all gets done.

We've been doing some family "spring cleaning" too. Working on attitudes and trying to make sure our hearts and willing to be cleaned up, cleaned out, and filled with what God wants in them! It seems our family is going through a lot right now... I expect it is only the beginning!! I know that the discipleship of our children will only increase as they grow into adulthood... what a HUGE responsibility.

Today while Teen Daughter & I were cleaning the barn she commented, "Daddy will think we were robbed because it is so clean up here!" Then she said, "Ya know mom... it looks a lot bigger up here now. I had the chance to tell her that when we allow a little bit of clutter every seems to add to the clutter thus making a small mess a big one, then it becomes overwhelming. That is why we have to clean up the clutter, in our homes and in our hearts so we are free, to move, go, do and be!

Have a great day everyone!

Life with teens... life with children.... life

God is so patient with us, yet so often our patience is practically non existent with the little ones He has put in our care. This has been my greatest challenge these days. I've been deeply convicted about how I interact with my children in both the good times and the bad. My personal agenda for each day so often is in conflict with the time needed to shape, mentor, and disciple these little lives. As I have been daily and sometimes... hourly asking God to help me to be loving, patient and have a teachers heart with my children I would ask that you pray for me too.

Life is so much more than weight, food, chores, and school. Where is your heart today? In tune with your children, or being frustrated because they are not staying out of the way? I hope you will consider the challenge that I am giving myself, and ask yourself: Am I loving my children the way I ought to? Am I shaping them, training them, and correcting them in love?

Adjusting

My body is still adjusting to the exercise I'm doing. Yesterday was my day of rest. Mon - Saturday I'm working out to Leslie Sansone's Power Mile and Walk Away the Weight. Currently I'm doing 2 miles a day with the intent of increasing to about 4 miles a day over time. Last week our cheap version of the Total Gym arrived. For now I'll be doing the TG workout 3 times a week. Eventually when I have learned all the moves I will divide up my work out so that I work the upper body and arms one day then the legs and lower body the next in order to rest the muscle groups appropriately. My weight has continued to climb due to muscle soreness and fatigue. So I will be doing 3 correction days in a row Monday through Wednesday in hopes of getting my weight back down before we leave for our birthday/anniversary trip. I feel great. My energy level is fabulous in spite of the tenderness in my muscles.

It ought to be easy for me to stick to the CD's this week because life will be VERY busy. Hubbies job will be changing from an office job where he is also on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week to a work from home and travel to various colleges job. They already have him doing some traveling while he still manages the help desk 24/7. This week he is traveling. We will be emptying out our storage room into the storage garage which is a few miles down the road. My big project these next 3 days is to get the storage room completely empty so we can paint it and turn it into an office for him. While I'm emptying the storage room I'm going to make sure that the summer clothes tubs are organized and easily accessible at the storage garage, as well as do any other organizing that needs to be done.

The kids and I have to adjust to managing the farm, school, and a new routine while Phil is gone. My big goal this week is to have harmony in the home. I want to try to keep all my ducks in a row so that I am not stressed when the kids are here. This means I'm working on developing better routines for everything from preparing meals to packing lunches and keeping up with the laundry. I want to be able to manage the home in such a way that it will promote a sweet spirit in me so that I can display Christ likeness to the kids. I have a tendency to get stressed and I do not want to take that stress out on the children. So we would covet your prayers while we start to get used to having hubby travel more. I will need to juggle not only the farm and household responsibilities but the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of the children while he is away.  So forgive me if the blog is neglected from time to time.

I hope you have a great week!

Round 3 woes -- The Psycological Struggle

So... today I'm going to be horribly honest with you about what my life has been like the past 3 weeks.  Sometime around my Planned Interruption I cracked. I started to struggle with the thought that I was at a normal BMI for the first time in my life. Struggle, you might say, WHY struggle? In my mind... I was "normal" for the first time EVER in my adult life. So I rushed into my planned interruption and did not follow my own rules. I ate whatever I felt like eating rather than sticking to phase 3 foods only, stopped weighing, stopped caring, stopped eating in a controlled manner, and thus... GAINED! Ugh!

THEN, when I entered back into phase 2, VLCD on February 6th.... I was STARVING and CRAVING!! WHY?? Because I had NOT stuck to phase 3 foods only so I threw my body totally out of whack. I ended up with another cold just a couple days into the VLCD which caused a stall and made me totally give up on being a protocol Stricty. I tried some very rogue ideas for the next 5-6 days and finally ended up eating anything fatty I could get my hands on for 2 days straight... all the time STILL taking my hcg. Do you know what happens when you take hcg and eat anything, everything, and especially FAT??? YOU GAIN!!  I ended up back up at 150 again.

That night I cried... I bawled... I struggled through feeling like I was an absolute failure. I was a loser, a quitter and was letting myself AND everyone else down! I literally had a complete emotional break down and was going to quit... but hated myself for giving up at 150. I felt I had done this entire round for nothing stopping there, yet I felt like I could not face hcg and phase 2 (though I wasn't following the rules) for one more single solitary day. I fell apart and shared my struggles on one of my favorite yahoo groups: hcg2 and they overwhelmed me with support, encouragement, and care. I still went to bed not knowing what the next day would be for me... another cheat day, or would I have the nerve to get back on the VLCD and stick to it?? I woke up to see 150.6 on the scale.

I had struggled through finally giving myself permission to quit and move on to maintenance and use JUDDDing to get the rest off.... but all of a sudden I could not quit. I got my mo jo back and decided I wanted to have a green smoothie. Now, I have never in my life until that day, drank a green smoothie they always looked totally disgusting to me. BUT it was all I wanted. So I made a green smoothie:

1 cup kefired skim milk or 1 serving of protein powder
3 ounces frozen strawberries
5 ounces fresh baby spinach
stevia to taste, squirt of vanilla extract, and cinnamon
1/2 - 1 cup of water, until desired consistency

I loved it, drank it for breakfast and felt, GOOD for the first time in WEEKS.  Then... hubby wanted to celebrate his first phase 4 day and took us out for lunch... I ate, no sugar no carbs, but ate fat..... Went home and felt like a smoothie for dinner, so I did. So another off protocol day.. but in a weird way I felt in control and ready to return to VLCD.

Since that day... I've been on track drinking smoothies 2 times a day and my weight is slowly dropping. Today though I decided on 1 smoothie and 1 protein/veggie/fruit serving like "normal".  I'm not sure how much longer I will do the VLCD. I have finally worked through giving myself permission to quit on any day of my choosing whether or not I reach that magic number of 135. I MIGHT go all the way to March 8th and I MIGHT not. I've decided to take it one day at a time and if I start to struggle with staying on protocol, then that next day will be my last dose and I'll transition to phase 3.

What have I learned?
1. Stick with phase 3 eating ONLY while on a Planned Interruption.
2. By eating whatever on a PI it stirs up cravings and makes week 1 of the VLCD just as bad as week 1 at the beginning of phase 2 BUT without the load... which means it is REALLY tough!
3. Cheating with hcg in your system allows you to gain weight VERY quickly.  AND makes strict VLCD'ing VERY hard afterwards because of increased hunger and cravings.
4. STOP doing phase 2 and move into phase 3, rather than cheat while on protocol.
5. I need to give myself permission to change my mind and alter my goals without feeling like a failure.
6. Rogue and altered versions of the VLCD do not work as well as the VLCD strict.

So out of the 50 days phase 2 I've really only followed the protocol well for about 35 days. :-( BUT I'm moving on and planning on finishing strong. I hope my failures do not provide an "excuse" for you to go off protocol but that they will help you to be committed to doing what you know it right and best for your HCG protocol success!

Reflections..............

I look in the mirror today and smile............and cry.........and am ever so thankful. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of the beginning of my journey to health. A year ago today, February 14, 2011 I stepped on the scale weighing 235 pounds and said enough is ENOUGH! A year ago today I was out of breath walking from the house to the barn. My heart hurt as I huffed and puffed. My boots were so tight on my calves that it hurt. I was scared to walk up and down the steps of the milk parlor because I was so fat. I was uncertain on the steep steps. I was discouraged, depressed, angry, and miserable. I decided to do something before my health plummeted so far down that I would not get to enjoy watching my babies grow up.

I began a detox diet where I chose to follow the Eat Fat, Lose Fat: The Healthy Alternative to Trans Fatsdiet for the health compromised by Dr. Mary Eing (GREAT BOOK!). It was a horrible two weeks that followed because I was taking such large amounts of coconut oil daily I experienced a Herxheimer reaction and was sick, in bed, felt gross, napped often, you name it... it was nasty. BUT I knew I was cleaning out all the nasty toxins out of my body. I followed those weeks with a colon cleanse and a candida cleanse. Grains, starches and sugar were deleted from my diet, yet I was still depressed and frustrated as the scale was moving very little. By the beginning of April after 6 weeks of what I felt like was a torture diet I had only lost 15 pounds! Most of it had come off in the first 3 weeks. I had lost NOTHING for at least 2 weeks by this time. I was so frustrated as my still 220 pound self was staring at me in the mirror daily.

Sometime around then Dr. Mercola posted an article about hCG. His conclusions were such that he was not sure if people really lost weight from the hcg or if it was just from the 500 calorie diet. He was not convinced that the hcg protocol would really work long term nor that it resulted in the loss of abnormal fat. Below his article I started reading testimonials of people who had lost a LOT of weight VERY quickly and were keeping it off. I started researching and reading everything I could find online about the hcg Protocol. I was asking the Lord... "Is this it? Will it work?" I took the plunge and ordered some VERY expensive homeopathic hcg and read the entire protocol within the next couple of days. I was so hopeful... imagining what it would be like to lose 1/2 - 1 pound a DAY.... why I might be able to get below 200 pounds and stay there.

I stumbled upon Kevin Trudeau's book The Weight Loss Cureand ordered it. It arrived right around the same time as my homeopathic hcg did. I skipped all the parts in the book about detoxing and stuff, I had already done that, and started reading his take on the protocol. He put an organic real food slant on phase 3 and phase 4 that really impacted me. I thought, "WOW, if eating this way: real fat, coconut oil, lard, cod liver oil, butter, grass fed meat, organic fruits and veggies, very limited grains, etc is how to maintain... it is NO WONDER that I have maintained my obesity for SO LONG!"

About this time Easter Weekend was right around the corner and I worked up the gumption to talk with Phil about the protocol. You see our family believes in a diet filled with healthy fats, grass fed meat, veggies, fruits, and soaked or sprouted organic grains along with the use of real sugars like raw honey and real maple syrup. So a low fat, low calorie diet did not fit in our food philosophy. I was very concerned that he would not be supportive because we really did believe that the way we were eating was the healthiest for our family. Much to my surprise when I talked about the protocol with him... told him it was only for 40 days and that maintenance was the way we lived.. he encouraged me to give it a try.

Easter weekend, April 23, 2011, I loaded, which was the beginning of my first Phase 2. My post load weight was 221.8. By May 13, our anniversary, just 19 days later I was in "wonderland" for the first time in 12 years! I KNEW that the hcg protocol was going to finally allow me to shed the fat. I pushed the envelope my first round and went 57 days to lose a total of 47 pounds. I ended my first round having shed the baby weight from all six of our children. This was a huge victory. I was so thankful to be just in the overweight category... no longer obese. It was so fun going through my closet and getting rid of all the size 20, 18, and 16's. I was fitting into size 14's and some 12's. WOW!

My journey is now coming close to the end. Each new day brings the finish line closer in view. I had always thought that 155 would be my end goal but when I got there it was obvious that more fat needed to be shed. Currently I'm on my third round of hcg and will conclude this round sometime in the beginning of March.

Today I reflect on this past year. I am so thankful that the Lord allowed me to "stumble" upon that article by Dr. Mercola. I'm so thankful that God's Word is true, Philippians 4:13" I CAN do ALL things through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS me!" This journey has been one of many emotional and physical challenges. My brain has had to re-learn what my bodies needs are. I'm grateful that through it all God's grace has been sufficient.

Today's reflections include: seeing myself in the mirror wearing size 11/12 fitted top and size 8 jeans that are loose - last year I wore a size XXL top and size 20 pants that were tight. Today I showered and was able to bend over and shave my legs. Last year I could not bend over and breath at the same time. I can cross my legs at the knee while sitting and the crossed over leg hangs gently down, instead of sticking out to the side and cutting off circulation to my foot. This year, I walked briskly to the barn, trotted up and down the stairs in the milk parlor (several times), hauled feed for the chickens, and did my chores with ease... oh... and my boots are very lose and comfy even with wool socks and my flannel lined jeans tucked in! This year I'm not ashamed of me nor am I embarrassed to be seen in public. It was fun going to a restaurant with my husband to celebrate Valentines day and not feel like everyone was thinking that I needed to NOT eat that meal. I felt beautiful and like I fit well in the picture with that wonderfully handsome caring man. I used to be so ashamed of me... with him because he was so handsome.............and I was so fat and "ugly". Today I will smile and laugh when I hug my littles and they can reach their arms all the way around me, lock their hands and squeeze. My dear autistic son no longer asks me if there is a baby in my tummy because I don't have a big tummy. I reflect on all these silly, important, fabulous memories of all the changes that have taken place.........and I cry tears of gratitude.

I am thankful for all those people in cyber space who have journeyed along side me, who have encouraged me, taught me, cheered for me, rebuked me, and challenged me to see beyond the obesity to a life that is filled with health and hope. My hope is not to be a skinny person, but to have the optimum health that God desires for me so that I can fulfill His plan for me as a wife, a mother, a farmer, a piano teacher, and all the other life activities that cross my path daily.

So today as I reflect on all that has changed in this past year.... I am filled with love, joy, peace, and a renewed body.... and I am overwhelmed.

Happy Valentines Day!

Christmas in January!!

The snow is lightly falling, I'm sipping on my English Toffee Stevia flavored coffee and my solitude is interrupted by a car horn beeping! Our friendly country postman has a BIG delivery for guess who...... ME!

Hubby ordered me a lovely Cuisinart 14 cup food processor... it is HUGE!!!! BUT it has 2 smaller bowls too, one that does 3 cups and one for doing 8 cups... I'm in chopping heaven!!! I will use this for processing veggies from our 1/2 acre garden, for churning butter, for kneading fermented whole grain breads... and more!! THANKS HONEY!

PLUS, a new book arrived! Harmony Clearwater Grace's new book entitled: The HCG Diet Book of Secrets: Stabilizing After HCG and Staying Slim Forever. You can buy the book in paper form from $25 - $29 or if you have a kindle app you can get it for less than $10. I'll write a review on the blog here once I am done reading it. :-)

Now... LET IT SNOW... I have a book to read and a new toy to play with! :-)